Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
