hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
