I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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