I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
