Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
