the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
