Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
