He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
