Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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