I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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