Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
