If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
