I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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