Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
