you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
