If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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