All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
