I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
