I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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