At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We named our party play list daddy issues
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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