He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
wow bdsm is so cute
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
