Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
