I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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