i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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