Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
