Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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