Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
