I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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