Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
