I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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