So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
