if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
