I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
