We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
