so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
