I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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