Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
