dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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