Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
