I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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