i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
