I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
