Whatcha textin bout Willis?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
