Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
