I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
