Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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