i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
