i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
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My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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