Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
