Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
