we're blogging at a bar
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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