Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
