The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
