You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
