If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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