Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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