sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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