her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
