Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
