I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
