Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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