I'm so fucking centered right now
her vagine was all disorganized.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
