You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
