Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
