The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
