lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
