I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
