He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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