He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
