anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
