We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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