I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
