I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
