just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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