shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
