The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
