Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I supernannyed him into submission
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize