I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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